Lifetime of the Rich and the Famous

I have a bone to pick with the world. I cannot stand how we have no-talent actors, coughKeanuReevescough, making ten million bucks a movie, while the nation’s teachers are being paid barely better than the local high school dropout who works part-time at Wal-Mart. It sickens me to watch TV and see Oprah talking to Tom Cruise and come to the realization that she is worth like 50 billion dollars just for talking about lame topics. Hey guess what! Teachers do that everyday, however what teachers talk about is actually interesting and useful!
Now I am a guy, and I love all kinds of sports. However I still do not understand why professional athletes, who are regular people with an elementary understanding of the world with barely above average athletic skill, are getting paid MILLIONS of dollars just to play a simple game of ball.
The people who really should be getting this money are the people who help shape the future of this nation. Mainly me, a future teacher. Teachers, doctors, and scientists should be the ones who make the big bucks. Basically this group of professionals determines the direction that the country will move forward to. And what do actors and pro athletes do to contribute to society? Not that much, just a little entertainment here and there. So I am calling for a revolution. Lets pull a Robin Hood. Lets take from the rich and give it to the poor (professions). Please help me; I’m sick of people who barely do work getting tons of money. Plus I hate being poor.

Notorious J.O.B.

I currently work at Best Buy with Ernie but let me tell you, finding a part-time job in this world is no easy task. I’ve had my fair share of part-time jobs and I am about to give you some precautions before you apply for these jobs.

If you are applying for a job at….

Friendly’s: If you apply for a job at Friendly’s be forewarned that by the end of the night you will smell like greasy food and it will take you two hours of scrubbing to get it off you. You will also be covered head to toe in ice cream. Oh, and they only give you one uniform so you have to wash it nightly so you are ready to work the next day. Plus, Friendly’s is a not so friendly place, everybody that works there has the worst attitude and it is bound to rub off on you. Not the best job.

Sears: I worked at Sears over Christmas break just to make enough money to buy books for next semester. First, they don’t listen to the times that you are actually available. They are going to schedule for whenever they feel like it, even if you explicitly say you cannot work Christmas Eve at eight because you are going to mass. Secondly, the people who go to Sears to buy their products believe that they are God and you are their servants. Even if your job is just to restock the shelves the consumers will expect you to be able to find every item they need and then ring them out too. I don’t think so.

Car Wash: You’d think that working at a car wash wouldn’t be that bad. Oh how wrong you are. It’s not as simple as pushing a button and letting the car be washed by the machines. How about the time the car got stuck inside the car wash while it was still going and I had to push it out. Or that time when I got sprayed in the leg with hot wax and it took off all the hair on my legs. Yeah, on the scale of 1-10 for how fun working at a car wash is, it would be -2.

Dog Kennel: I thought that walking dogs would be a great way to pick up chicks. I’d seem caring, sensitive etc etc. I didn’t think about all the shit I would have to pick up and the amount of howling that would give anyone a permanent migraine. Not to mention all the scratches and bite marks that covered my body. I’m an animal lover but honestly this job sucks.

Food Server at Old Timers Home: Worst. Job. Ever. I cannot stand that old person smell. And the way that they chew their food. The way they always pinched my cheeks and tried to tell me stories about “the good ol’ days”. They never left a tip ever! Cheap bastards. What was I thinking when I applied for that job. Oh yea, I have to pay for college so I can get a good job so I can get a good salary to pay off all my loans.

I don’t know how long I’m going to be at Best Buy but it pays well and I basically do nothing. But anyways, think out what the job will really be like before you apply for it. Unless you are desperate, like I was.

The Human Piggy Bank

I never really thought I would get the chance to be a human piggy bank, until I met Olivia. I should have known she’d have me hooked the moment I met her. What I did not know was that she would have her hand in my wallet from day one. I know there are such girls as “gold diggers”, but if that’s the case, why would one choose me? I am a college student and work at Best Buy down the road from my school.You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that I am not rolling in the dough here. It’s a low paying job, and I was comfortable with that until I learned that I would be supporting Olivia. I drive a 1994 Hyundai. That should speak for itself.
On an average trip to the mall, I assume that I will be spending at least enough money to buy Olivia a few outfits, or shoes or something that she is in desperate “need” of. It’s hard to say no to her puppy dog eyes. When we get the cash register with Olivia’s heaping pile of clothes, she gives me this look. It’s the ‘Ok, it’s time to take out your credit card look” and then she’ll bat her pretty eyelashes at me. Sometimes I feel like the cashiers feel sorry for me and they almost shake their heads. There are those fleeting moments of weakness when you pass another helpless guy, wandering the mall, in the grasp of his money-draining girlfriend.Your eyes meet, and you know that you’re not alone. You realize that there are, in fact, other guys as pathetic as you. At first, it didn’t get to me because I was just in shock that I was able to rope in a girl like Olivia. As I watch my bank statements lower, I realize what has become of me. I am buying the love of a girl.

Don't Forget about the Washingtons, baby

So, here I am in college. Working hard to earn a good GPA, staying up all hours of the night slaving over papers. And here's the kicker, I am PAYING for this. So not only am I loosing money by not being able to have a full time job, but I am paying to go here.
So, the other day my high school friend Ben sends me a message online. He never went to college or did well in school. He always slacked off most of high school, while I struggled to get good grades to get into a good college. He asks me what I have been up to and I explain about my sleepless nights, and ten papers due next week. He tells me how he's living in a brand new house, fully furnished, with his girlfriend. That was a low blow, seeing how I live in a four white wall prison cell. But, I brushed it off. Then I asked him what he had been up to. Somehow, by the Grace of God, he managed to land some big time job buying parts and selling them for a company. Huh? I have never even heard of a job like that! He told me he was just job searching and applied and got the job. And here's the best part. He makes 35,000 a year without a college degree! How is that even possible? That's more than I will make as a teacher when I graduate with a degree. What has the world come to? This is a complete and utter injustice.

Benjamins, Baby, Benjamins

College life has really taken a heavy toll on my bank account. Watching my bank account deplete after buying things like book after book, paying to live in a jail cell, as some like to call a "dorm room", I decided something had to change. So I have decided to get creative and see how long I can go without spending money. These are some of the things I have done, and let me tell you it works, although some start to call you a mooch. Don't let that bring you down. They're just jealous they're not as savvy when it comes time for saving money.

1. Water bills are always a killer. What are the use of friends if you can't pop in for a quick shower every now and then?
2. Take full advantage of free samples. Looking for a meal on the go? Try Costco, especially on the weekends. You won't be dissapointed.
3. Need to look good for a date? The mall has what you need. Try the makeup counters and perfume stands. You'll look fresh while smelling sweet for free.
4. Cell phone bills are a constant issue for complaints. Try this line "My cell phone is dead. Can I borrow yours? It'll only take a second" It's not your fault if that second turns into a hour.
5. Need to run some errands but you're low on gas? Test drive a car, while doing your grocery shopping. It gets them every time.
6. Need to catch up on the latest Hollywood gossip, or international news, but you're wallet's looking pretty empty? Hit up local super markets, Barnes and Nobles, or CVS and browse their reading sections.
7. Do you really want to go see that new Brad Pitt film but aren't willing to pony up the ten bucks? While people exit the movie theater from the back door, hold the door open for them like you were just leaving and when everyone has exited sneak in. Everyone enjoys a free movie.
8."Forgetting" your wallet is always convenient. "Oh, I would love to go half and half for dinner, but I can't seem to find my wallet."
9. In college, a big expense is ink. After printing about 10 term papers, your spent. Why not go to the library and print out all your assingments? While your at it, just print out anything you can find. Hey, it's not your ink.
10. Flowers are always a nice gift. Whether it's a date, or Mother's day, flowers are a sure fire way to get a pat on the back. But, flowers are expensive. Your neighbor MIGHT not miss those daisies though.

Hope these are helpful! They work for us. What can I say, the life of a mooch ain't easy. Be creative!